


For the Better

by aceofhearts61



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 fix-it, Alt-Ending for S15, Ambiguous Relationships, Asexual!Castiel, Friends to Romantic Friends, Friendship, Gen, Heterosexual!Dean, Hugs, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, No Traditional/Conventional Romance To See Here, Other, Relationship Negotiation, Romantic Friendship, unconventional relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofhearts61/pseuds/aceofhearts61
Summary: Castiel doesn't get taken by The Empty. He tells Dean how he feels anyway--and Dean surprises him.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 97





	For the Better

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually ship these two, as you'll see by the end of the fic. But I wanted to fix That Scene because it was so poorly done and explore a realistic take on the whole dynamic between Dean and Cas.

After Jack’s departure, the Winchesters and Castiel return to the Bunker in quiet grief, despite the world put right around them. The glory of their victory over Chuck is quickly overshadowed by their sense of loss, though that loss is not the same as the one they felt when Jack died. Cas disappears altogether after a day, taking Jack’s decision the hardest and needing to mourn in private. Sam and Dean, now free for the first time in their lives and without any cosmic drama to resolve, bum around the Bunker for a few days, letting their new reality set in. They move on to a well-earned vacation to the Grand Canyon, before coming back to Lebanon and looking for a new case. They try calling Cas—both in prayer and by phone—but receive no answer. 

A few weeks after Jack’s good-bye, Dean’s driving home from out of town, alone, when Castiel appears in the road ahead of him. He’s got enough time to recognize the angel and slow down to a stop. He pulls over onto the side of the desolate highway and immediately gets out of the car to meet Castiel. They’re the only ones in sight, surrounded by flat yellow plains and gray, overcast sky.

“Thanks for not beaming right into the car,” Dean says. “That stills spooks me, you know?”

“You’re welcome,” Castiel replies. “How are you?”

“Pretty good, actually. All things considered. How about you? Where you been?”

“Everywhere and nowhere.” The angel sounds unhappy and tired.

Dean sticks his hands in his jacket pockets. “Listen, I know it’s hard—not knowing if or when you’ll see Jack again. It’s hard on me and Sam too. But we’re still here. And we want you around, Cas. So are you going to go home with me or what?”

Cas eyes Dean with a reluctant expression and moves toward him, passing him to sit on the edge of the Impala’s hood. “Please come sit with me, Dean.”

“Why does that sound like a no?”

But Dean turns around and joins Castiel on the car, leaving only a little space between them.

“I received a message from Jack,” Cas says.

Dean whips his head around to look at Castiel. “You did? Did you see him?”

Cas doesn’t meet Dean’s gaze, instead staring into the distance ahead of them. “No. I didn’t hear his voice either. It was a feeling. But I’m sure it was a message from him. He wants me to run Heaven. Restore it. Make it better than it’s ever been.”

Dean just soaks that in for a moment. Of course. How could he have forgotten about Heaven? The place has been without a leader for a long time, and now that Chuck’s gone and all his arch angels with him, there’s a chance for Heaven to actually change. For angels to change—into beings who are more like Castiel, less the obedient dicks Dean has always known them to be.

And who better to give Heaven a makeover than Cas? Dean doesn’t need to hear the request in Jack’s voice to know that’s exactly the kind of suggestion the kid would make. And it’s not a bad idea. Not at all. Humanity’s probably safer and better off with Cas calling the shots upstairs than if anybody else available did.

Yet the selfish part of Dean can’t help but wilt. “So you’re leaving too,” he says. “For good this time.”

“No, not for good,” Castiel replies. “I’m not interested in micro-managing Heaven for all eternity, and I don’t think the angels need that. I just have to organize it, set them on the right path. Once I do that, Heaven should run itself pretty smoothly.”

“How long is it going to take you to clean the place up?”

Castiel pauses, eyes fixed on some distant point. “I don’t know.”

Dean sits shoulder to shoulder with his best friend in silence for a while, knowing he can’t ask Castiel to let someone else do the job and feeling too unapologetically selfish to pretend he isn’t. He and Sam have lost too much in the last few weeks already. Jack and Eileen and Alt-Charlie and Alt-Bobby. They have to find their footing in this new reality of theirs, where life really is whatever they make it. Now is not a good time for Cas to check out with no return date. Not good for the Winchesters, anyway. And Dean knows Castiel’s life isn’t just about him and Sam. He knows there are more important things in the Universe than Winchester happiness. The most human part of him just doesn’t care. 

“Dean—” Castiel glances at the man beside him, then averts his gaze again, squinting into the distance. “There’s something I want to tell you. I planned on keeping it to myself forever, but after everything we’ve been through lately, now that Chuck is gone and no longer influencing any of us…. I want you to know. Before I leave.”

Dean feels a sense of foreboding. His eyes narrow on Castiel’s face, but he waits quietly for whatever message Cas is about to deliver.

Castiel’s lips curl in a faint smile, and for the first time in years, he looks peaceful. “I love you,” he says. “I’m—in love with you. At least, I believe I am, based on everything I know about romantic love in humans.”

He turns his head to look right at Dean, and Dean just stares at him, mouth slightly ajar, at a loss for words. Castiel doesn’t flinch at his expression or his silence, only looks at him with eternal patience and fondness.

“I know you don’t feel the same way. You can’t. You’re exclusively attracted to women, and I’ve worn a man’s vessel the whole time we’ve known each other. I understand. I only wanted to tell you the truth because I’m tired of keeping it a secret. Of not expressing what I feel.”

Dean blinks at Cas, his brain still drawing a blank.

Castiel looks away again, smiling.

“You—you’re in love with me?” says Dean.

“Yes. For a long time now, though I’m not exactly sure when my platonic love changed into this other form. The two are not so different for me.”

“What—what does that even mean?” Dean says. “I thought you weren’t interested in sex.”

“I’m not. Sex has nothing to do with it.”

“Uh, yeah, actually, it does. When two humans are in love, they fuck. Hell, a lot of the time, they fuck first and then they fall in love.”

“Dean,” Cas says, sounding every bit his age. He looks at Dean again. “I’m not human.”

“I know that. But you’re in a human body. So when you say you’re in love with me—”

“I mean just that. I don’t want to have sex with you. That is not the basis of my love.”

Dean blinks and stares at the angel some more, as confused as he’s ever been. “So…. What do you want from me?”

Cas looks away, too serene for a guy who’s just confessed his seemingly unrequited romantic feelings to his best friend. “I wanted you to know the truth. Now, you do. I’ll be happy just to have your company and your friendship the same way I’ve had it since we met. If you’re still willing to be my friend.”

Dean comes off the car, more flustered now, and moves to stand in front of Castiel. “Of course, we’re still friends. We’ll always be friends. You didn’t answer my question. What do you want from me?”

Castiel peers at him, his composure cracking. “I just told you….”

Dean shakes his head. “If you could have anything you wanted, if I felt the same way you did, what would it look like? You don’t want to bone me, okay. What do you want?”

The rest of Castiel’s peace falls off his face, and he stares at Dean with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

“You can tell me,” Dean says. “It’s okay.”

Castiel’s cheeks redden, and he drops his gaze. “I—I don’t know, I didn’t…. I didn’t think that far.”

“Bullshit. You don’t carry a torch for somebody for years without imagining your best-case scenario. So what is it?”

“Dean…. There’s no point in talking about this. You don’t feel the way I do. I didn’t want to make this more awkward than it had to be—”

Dean suddenly takes Castiel by the shoulders, his grip firm, and forces the angel to look at him. “Cas. I want to understand exactly what you mean when you say you’re in love with me. You can’t just drop a bomb like that and then not explain. I’m telling you it’s okay. I’m not mad. I just—I just want to understand.”

Castiel doesn’t look convinced. He looks afraid and more vulnerable than he’s been in a while.

Dean doesn’t let go of him yet. He tries to offer a reassuring smile, but it feels wobbly in his mouth. He’s still reeling from Castiel’s confession, but he’s trying his best to stay cool.

“I--I just imagine you feeling the same way,” Cas says. “And telling me you do.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And…. Showing me the kindness I know you’re capable of. Allowing me to take care of you when necessary. I imagine us sharing affection.”

Dean softens a little, some of his adrenaline burning off. “Affection, huh? Like what?”

Castiel looks away from him.

“Cas. What kind of affection? Physical?”

Castiel gives the slightest nod.

Dean drops his hands from the angel’s shoulders. “You wouldn’t want to have sex, but you’d want to what? Kiss me? Cuddle in front of a movie?”

Cas can’t look Dean in the eye, and he answers in a low voice, almost mumbling: “I couldn’t be sure unless I actually experienced all the different forms of physical affection.”

Dean considers Castiel for a moment, then returns to his spot on the Impala’s hood next to Cas. He lets out a long sigh as he sits down again, looking up at the sky. He almost chuckles. His life is something else.

“I’m glad you told me,” he says. “That’s a heavy secret to carry.”

Castiel doesn’t reply.

“You’re right about me,” Dean continues. “When it comes to sex, I’m only into the ladies. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Cas, but my sex life usually doesn’t come with romance attached.”

“I noticed,” Castiel says quietly.

“It’s never been something I needed. I don’t think that’ll change. I’m happy to go out and hook up with a girl I’ll never see again, come home to Sam….” Dean pauses, then glances at Castiel. He looks down at his boots, debating with himself about how to handle this situation. “I love you too, you know.”

Castiel turns his head to look at Dean, blue eyes shining, and Dean looks up at him.

“I always have. You’re my best friend.”

Castiel smiles, tender and bittersweet. “Thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

They fall into silence again, the angel looking again into the distance and Dean focusing on the ground.

“Maybe—” Dean starts, lifting his head. “Maybe we could be different with each other.”

“Different how?” says Castiel, already sounding far away.

Dean doesn’t quite shrug, his jacket rustling. “More the way you want, I guess.”

“Dean—I don’t want you to pretend you feel the same way I do out of pity. I don’t want you to humor me, as they say. That would just damage our friendship in the long run.”

Dean looks over at Castiel, considering the angel. He doesn’t feel an iota of physical attraction to Jimmy Novak’s body, no stirrings of the lust that’s always come so easily to him when a hot woman catches his eye. What he does feel is love and warmth and a deep attachment. He feels close to Castiel, but suddenly he also feels the desire to be closer.

For all his charm and coolness, his ability to impress other men and inspire their loyalty, Dean has never had much luck with making and keeping close friends. He never had a best friend as a boy, not really—he was never in one place long enough. Adulthood hasn’t been much different. He’s been friendly with other hunters he’s met along the way, most of them dead now. But he never knew how to cultivate true emotional closeness with any of them. He’s had better luck forging friendship with women than with men since Bobby died, and even those relationships—with Jody and Donna and Charlie—don’t approach the kind of bond he’s experienced with Cas. It really shouldn’t surprise him that his best friend isn’t human. Humans have rules and norms that Dean was never any good at following.

Dean takes Castiel’s elbow in his hand, and Cas looks at him again, blue eyes wistful and sharp. Dean doesn’t know what to say, so he just follows his impulse and slides the rest of the way over to Cas to rest his head on the angel’s shoulder, wrapping his arm around Cas’ back. It doesn’t feel weird to Dean at all. It’s comfortable. A relief, even.

Castiel doesn’t move or speak. After a moment, Dean wonders if the angel is holding his breath. Dean stays where he is as long as he wants, then lifts his head up again and checks Castiel’s face. He keeps his arm around his friend, holding Cas snug to his side.

“Trust me,” Dean says. “I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t genuinely want to give it a shot.”

Castiel looks dazed, blinking back at him. “Give what a shot?”

“A different relationship with you. Something in between the friendship we got now and a normal romantic relationship.”

Castiel just stares at him. Dean wonders if he’s processing anything Dean’s saying.

“It’s a good thing you don’t want to fuck me, or I wouldn’t be cool with trying this out,” Dean continues. His eyes roam Castiel’s face, gauging his own emotions as they rapidly coalesce. “If you were any other guy, if you were human…. I don’t think I could. But you’re you.”

He smiles a little, and Castiel continues to stare into Dean’s eyes like he’s just been punched in the face and doesn’t know where he is or what’s happening.

Dean reaches up and ruffles Castiel’s hair, then cups the back of his head. He leans in and kisses Cas on the cheek, the stubbly weathered skin strange to him. He looks into Castiel’s eyes again, nose almost brushing Castiel’s cheek, then tilts his head and kisses Cas on the lips. It doesn’t feel like any other kiss he’s experienced in his life. There’s no heat to it, no hunger. But it’s sweet and comforting and fills Dean’s chest and gut with warmth.

When he pulls back, Castiel has tears in his eyes and looks utterly demolished.

Dean just presses the side of his forehead to Cas’ and says, “Well, what do you know. That wasn’t bad.”

“Dean…. I—I don’t know what to say.”

“You could start with whether or not you liked the kiss.”

Cas swallows, and when he speaks, he sounds breathless. His voice trembles. “I liked it. Thank you.”

Dean straightens up and away from Cas and looks at him. “You don’t have to thank me.”

They watch each other, Dean’s hand now on Castiel’s back. Dean has never seen Castiel so overwhelmed. All he can do is offer the angel another reassuring smile.

“I got no idea what I’m doing, but I’m willing to see where this goes if you are,” Dean says. “And if you’re willing to accept the fact I’m going to keep having sex with women when I can get it.” 

Castiel nods without hesitation. “I’ve never had any trouble accepting that. I don’t want to change you, Dean. I’ve only ever wanted to be close to you.”

“Okay. Ask me for what you want, and if I can give it to you, I will.”

Cas smiles a small, soft smile.

“You still gonna leave?” says Dean.

“I must,” Castiel replies. “But I’ll be back. As soon as I can.”

“If you’re in charge of Heaven, I don’t think you’re gonna get to live on earth full-time again, Cas.”

“Probably not. But once I have everything in good running order, I’ll be able to spend plenty of time away.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Dean stands up off the car, and Castiel does the same. Dean pulls Cas into a hug, and the angel wraps his arms around Dean without pause and with more ease and enthusiasm than he ever has before. They hold each other exactly like they won’t see each other again for a while.

“Gonna miss you,” Dean says. “Sam will too.”

“I will miss you both,” Cas replies.

“Take care of yourself, all right?”

“I will. You and Sam take care of each other.” Cas pulls back to look Dean in the eye again. “If you need me for anything, call on me. I’ll come.”

Dean nods. He lays his hand on Castiel’s cheek, and Cas mirrors him, his touch gentle and hesitant.

“I love you, Dean.”

“Love you too.”

Castiel presses a kiss to Dean’s forehead, holding it there until he disappears right out of Dean’s grasp.

Dean opens his eyes and finds himself alone. The world around him sounds even quieter now. The road feels emptier. He cracks a grin and shakes his head.

“How the hell am I going to explain this to Sam….,” he says out loud to himself.

He gets back into the Impala, turns the key in the ignition, and starts making the rest of the drive home.


End file.
